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Kitty Litter Cake
Prepare cake mixes and bake according to directions (any size pans). Prepare pudding mix and chill until ready to assemble. Crumble white sandwich cookies in small batches in blender, they tend to stick, so scrape often. Set aside all but about 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup cookie crumbs, add a few drops green food coloring and mix using a fork or shake in a jar.
When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble into a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining white cookie crumbs and the chilled pudding. You probably won’t need all of the pudding, mix with the cake and “feel” it, you don’t want it soggy, just moist; gently combine.
Line new, clean kitty litter box. Put mixture into litter box. Put three unwrapped Tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until soft and pliable. Shape ends so they are no longer blunt, curving slightly. Repeat with 3 more Tootsie rolls and bury in mixture.
Sprinkle the other half of cookie crumbs over top. Scatter the green cookie crumbs lightly over the top; this is supposed to look like the chlorophyll in kitty litter.
Heat remaining Tootsie Rolls, 3 at a time in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with cookie crumbs. This is my addition–only: spread 5 of the remaining Tootsie Rolls over the top; take one and heat until pliable, hang it over the side of the kitty litter box; sprinkling it lightly with cookie crumbs.
Serve with a *new* pooper scooper.
Boogers on a stick
8 ounce Jar cheez whiz
Melt the cheez whiz in the microwave or on top of the stove, according to directions on the jar. Allow the cheese to cool slightly in the jar.
Using a long handled spoon, carefully stir about three drops of green food coloring into the warm cheese, using just enough to turn the cheese a delicate snot green.
To form boogers: Dip and twist the tip of each pretzel stick into the cheese, lift out, wait twenty seconds, then dip again. When cheese lumps reach an appealingly boogerish size, set pretzels, booger down, onto a sheet of waxed paper.
Allow finished boogers on a stick to cool at room temperature for ten minutes or until cheese is firm.
Gently pull boogers off waxed paper and arrange on a serving platter. Serves 5 to 6 booger buddies.
Sicko Serving Suggestion: Place a bowl of chunky red salsa in the center of the platter so that guests can turn plain buggers into bloody ones.
Chunky Cat Barf
Yield: 6 servings
1 large Spaghetti Squash
Cook squash. Fork out insides into a giant casserole dish. Add cottage cheese, half of the mozzarella and parmesan, sauce. Mix it until it looks like it’s name. Top with remaining cheese.
Cat Poop Cookies
Do you want chocolate or gingerbread flavored poop?
There are two flavors-chocolate (dark brown), and gingerbread (light brown)
The cookies are dense and not very sweet, this is necessary so that they will keep their shape during baking. If you use white flour or sugar they may be tastier but they won’t look like poop
Chill 1 hour in the freezer or several hours in the fridge. Roll dough logs of random length and the diameter of cat poops. Roll logs in grape-nuts and bake at 350 degrees till done (maybe 10 to 15 minutes but with my flaky oven you never know). Note: someone with a reliable oven says it’s closer to 20 minutes.
Mangled Witches Hands
4 boneless chicken breasts
Grease a cookie sheet and set aside.
Cut chicken breasts partway to create five fingers with the uncut part
Trim the tips with the olive fingernails and serve on lettuce.
This one will feed your guests appetite quite well. Make up a life size dummy out of old clothing and such; leave an opening in the stomach area to place a bowl in. The more realistic your fake body is the better this will be!
Cook up some sausage links in a nice red meat sauce; place them in the stomach of your dummy. When dinner is served have some scissors handy to cute off the amount of sausage links your friends will dare to eat. Throw in some pasta and meat balls for added delight.
Broken Bone Cookies
5 egg whites at room temperature
1. Preheat oven to 220 degrees. Line 1 or 2 cookies sheets with parchment paper. Prepare a piping bag with a round #10 tip (about 3/8 inch in diameter). 2. Beat egg whites and cream of tartar until soft peaks form. Gradually add the sugar-salt mixture, beating constantly, mixing well after each addition. Beat to stiff peaks, until meringue is shiny and smooth. Add flavoring and beat just until combined.
3. Fill piping bag with meringue. Pipe a log 3 or 4 inches. Pipe 2 balls on both sides of the ends of the log. Smooth any peaks that may occur with your wet finger. Repeat with remaining meringue.
4. Bake 30 minutes and turn off heat. Leave cookie in oven overnight; do not open oven door.
1. Rinse tomatoes in cold water and dry gently with paper towels.
Crispy Caterpillar Cocoons
1 8-oz. tube refrigerated crescent rolls
Preheat oven according to directions on the crescent-roll package. Prepare the sausages according to the directions on the package. Use tongs to remove the cooked sausages from the frying pan and place them on paper towels. Allow to cool ten to fifteen minutes. Cut the sausages in half lengthwise. Then use the rounded tip of a carrot peeler to scoop out a long, shallow trough down the length of each half. Squeeze a thin line of mustard into each trough. Separate the crescent-roll dough into its pre-cut triangle pieces, and lay them flat on an ungreased cookie sheet. To form insect larvae, take two sausage halves and, with their mustard-filled sides touching, put them together to form a whole. Place a whole larva at the wide end of each dough triangle, and roll up dough as you would regular crescent rolls. Pinch the ends and seams of the rolls closed. Bake according to package instructions. Warning: They take a good 15-20 minutes to cool off!
1/2 cup margarine
Melt margarine, add 3/4 cup of the unsweetened cocoa and all the sweetened condensed milk. Mix well with a wooden spoon until smooth and thoroughly blended. Continue to cook and stir over medium heat until thickened and smooth, about five minutes. Remove mixture from heat and stir in vanilla. Cover and chill in the fridge for at least three hours or until firm. Once mixture firm, scoop a rounded teaspoon into your hands and shape moles. Roll each mole in reserved cocoa. Insert one or two whiskers of different lengths into each mole and place moles on waxed paper. When complete place the entire baking sheet in the fridge for at least an hour to completely chill and firm these hairy moles. Make sure you tear out on full-page head shot of some model from old beauty magazine and place them on the face to instantly transform those beautiful women into scary hags!!!
10 large graham crackers
1. Break the graham crackers into fourths along each cracker’s perforated lines. Set aside. Unroll the fruit roll up and tear off forty dime-sized pieces to be used as scabs. Set them aside as well.
2 packages chocolate cake mix
Make the two chocolate cakes in bundt pans according to package directions. Cool Completely. Set one upside down on a plate with the second right side up so that they resemble a pumpkin shape. Set aside 1/4 cup of the frosting and tint the remaining frosting orange using the red and yellow food coloring. Cut the banana in half leaving the skin on and place it on the top center of the cake. Tint the reserved frosting green and frost the banana (this is the stem). Cut eyes, nose, mouth and any other features out of the cherry fruit roll up and decorate as desired.