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Earwax on a Swab
24 mini marshmallows
1. Snip straws into 2 and 1/2 inch lengths. You should have twenty-four 2 and 1/2 inch straws. To form cotton swabs, firmly press a mini marshmallow onto the end of each straw piece.
Crusty Booger Balls
1. In a large bowl, combine sweetened condensed milk, coconut, 1/3 cup of the unprepared Jell-O, almonds and extract. Mix well with a large spoon or rubber scraper.
About 5 dozen.
Snouts and Beans
2 – 16 oz cans plain baked beans
1. Empty can of beans into saucepan. Add the sauces and sugar to the beans.
2. Slice off ends of knockwurst. Then slice knockwursts into equal segments about one inch long, making each cut at the same slight angle. With the tip of a peeler carefully hollow out two deep round nostrils on one side of each segment.
3. Place snouts in a saucepan and cover them with water. Cook the snouts for about 5 to 10 min on med-high heat. Cook the beans on med-low, until sauce bubbles and thickens slightly.
4. Place the snouts on paper towels to drain. Pour the hot beans into serving dish and arrange the drained snouts on top, nostrils up.
Fried Gremlin Ears
9 oz pkg cheese filled tortellini
Cook Tortellini according to pkg directions; drain in a colander. Rinse with cold water and drain again. If desired, fill large bowl with cold water add several drops of green food coloring. Add cooked tortellini. Let stand for 15/20 minutes. Drain well.
In a large bowl combine egg and milk. Add tortellini; toss to gently to coat. In a plastic bag combine breadcrumbs and Parmesan cheese. Using a slotted spoon, transfer tortellini, about one fourth at a time to crumb mixture, toss to coat.
Fry tortellini about 12 at a time, in a deep hot oil about one minute or until golden brown. Remove with slotted spoon and drain on paper towels. Transfer to a baking sheet or ovenproof platter and keep warm in a 300º oven while frying remaining tortellini.
Serve warm. If desired with spaghetti sauce. Make about 78 ears.
1/2 pkg of fettuccini or any other long pasta
1. Cook pasta according to the directions. Drain thoroughly. Add about 3 tbsp of butter to pasta, stir and cover in pot.
2. Drain liquid off beans.
3. Place Alfredo sauce in glass bowl and microwave. Check to desired heat and keep stirring it. When sauce is hot, stir in beans. You may now need to heat again since beans were not hot. Heat again.
4. Arrange warm pasta in a serving dish, then pour the slimed maggot eggs over the pasta. Use two forks to gently toss pasta and maggot sauce together, and then serve.
Blood Clot Cake
1. Place butter or margarine in a small microwave safe bowl or measuring cup for about 30 seconds or until melted. Set aside. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Fill prepared casserole dish with bread cubes and cover with the melted butter. Use a wooden spoon to toss and coat bread cubes evenly. Set aside.
3. In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together eggs, milk, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt, and enough red food coloring to make the mixture a nice shade of blood red. Stir in raspberries and pour entire mixture over bread cubes. Stir gently with the wooden spoon to coat.
4. Place casserole in oven. Bake for about forty minutes or until butter knife inserted in the center comes out clean.
5. While clot cake is baking, prepare warm blood sauce. Melt the 3 tbsp of butter in a small saucepan. Combine sugar and cornstarch in a small mixing bowl, and stir with a fork. Then add it to the melted butter. Stir in milk and grenadine syrup. Continue to cook and stir with a fork over a medium heat until mixture comes to a full boil. Boil for one minute. Carefully remove from the heat and stir in vanilla. Sets aside until clot cake has finished baking and is cool enough to handle.
6. Just before serving, have an adult help you cut clots into six equal portions. Pour warm blood over each clot square and serve.
Slabs o’ Scabs
12 to 16 raisins
1. Tear raisins into variously sized, scab-like pieces and set aside.
Kitty Litter Casserole
1 cup baking mix
1. To make poops, Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Using clean hands, mix together the dry baking mix, cheddar cheese, and ground sausage in large bowl. Mold pieces of this mixture into various sized/shaped cat poops.
2. Place poops so they don’t touch each other in an ungreased baking pan. Bake for 20 min. or until poops are brown and slightly crusty.
3. While the meat cooks, prepare rice. When rice is done fluff with a fork. You make want to use Black Bean water from a can to give the rice a grayish color.
4. When the poops are done, carefully transfer them from the baking dish onto paper towels.
5. Spoon the rice and poops into the now empty baking dish leaving some poops uncovered.
1. Prepare cake, bake according to instructions. After removing cakes from the pans; allow the layers to cool on a wire rack for at least 1/2 hour.
2. Place one of the layers upside down on a cake plate. Spread a thin layer of frosting on the top only, and then carefully place the second cake layer right side up on top of the first layer.
3. Fill a heavy duty plastic food storage bag with the rest of the frosting and twist the top tightly shut. Using scissors cut off one tiny bottom corner of the bag.
4. To decorate: Think of the top of the cake as the top of a human head, and imagine apart running down it’s middle. Now, using the plastic bag of icing as a pastry bag, squeeze a stream of frosting “hair” falling from the imaginary part down the side of the cake. Continue adding streaks of frosting until your cake has a full head of hair leaving it’s front, or face, un-iced.
5. Using a dab of frosting, glue two cherries on the cake’s face for eyes and one for a nose. Next, using clean scissors carefully cut a piece of fruit roll into the shape of a tongue. Fold tongue in half lengthwise to form a realistic crease down the middle, then unfold and attach under the nose with a dab of icing.
6. Sprinkle coconut (dandruff flakes) generously down the center part of the head and lightly sprinkle flakes all over the rest of the cake.
Spinal Cord Spirals
8 oz pkg cream cheese, softened
Spread about 3 Tablespoons of the cream cheese, to within 1 inch of the edge of each tortilla. Layer tortillas with spinach leaves, tomato slices, salami slices and mozzarella cheese. Tightly roll up tortillas
To serve, transfer tortilla rolls to a cutting board. Slice off and discard ends. Cut rolls into 1 inch slices. Secure with toothpicks. Stack three or four spirals, slightly off center to from a spinal column. Makes 24.
1- 3oz box strawberry Jell-O
1. Prepare Jell-O according to directions. Pour into shallow baking pan (like a jelly roll pan) and chill until firm (about 3 hours).
2. Remove the Jell-O from the refrigerator. Using a dull knife, make as many cuts as possible across the length and width of the pan, forming tiny cubes.
3. Grind ice cubes in a blender.
4. Spoon alternating thin layer of crushed ice and Jell-O pieces into tall glasses, filling them about two inches away from tops. Slowly pour strawberry soda into each glass until full, and then stir gently. Serve retch with iced-tea spoons, so your guest can get at every chilly glob.
Open Wound Cookies
32 wrapped hard red candies
1. Preheat oven as directed on cookie package. Line baking sheet with waxed paper and set aside. Unwrap candies and set aside.
2. Use a knife to slice dough into 1/2-inch thick rounds. Rub flour on your rolling pin then roll each dough wedge to about 1/4 inch thickness. Next use the cookie cutter to make 16 to 18 circles.
3. Then cut individually shaped gashes and wound openings into each cookie dough circle using the butter knife. Each wound should be uniquely shaped and no bigger than 2 to 3 inches around. Jagged edges made randomly with the butter knife on the inner circle will make wounds look true to life.
4. Carefully place wounds on lined baking sheet about 2 inches apart. Place baking sheet into the oven and bake for about 7 minutes. Carefully remove them from the oven but do not turn oven off.
5. Carefully place 2 hard candies in the center of each wound. Return baking sheet to the oven and continue baking for three minutes, until the hard candies have melted into fresh bloody wound openings.
6. Cool the cookies on the trays for about 3 minutes. Use a flat metal spatula to carefully transfer them to a wire rack to cool completely.
Makes 16 to 18.